


Bonding Mission

by GretchenSinister



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012), Team Fortress 2
Genre: Gen, it's more a TF2-flavored merger than anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-25 00:05:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GretchenSinister/pseuds/GretchenSinister
Summary: Original Prompt: "So basically since I saw North being his boisterous Russian Heavy self, I have been desperate to see a crossover/merge of the ROTG characters with the video game Team Fortress 2.http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/TeamFortress2Any way you want to play this is great. The Guardians have to fight the Team for reasons; the Guardians recast as a TF2 Team; or (even better) the TF2 Team for some reason has to perform the duties of the Guardians for a while. Oh, the poor kids!For inspiration check out the Smissmas comic:http://www.teamfortress.com/asmissmasstory/And here’s my take on the Guardians=Character Classes, though feel free to disregard:Jack Frost = ScoutNorth = HeavyTooth = Medic (oh the poor children)Sandman = PyroPitch = SpyBunnymund = You’d think his fellow Aussie, Sniper…BUT no. DEMOMAN!"I’m so unqualified for this! Though I did read the Smissmas Story and liked it. So, what I did was write the Guardians as some not-so-serious mercenaries, in a scenario that mirrors the opening of the movie.





	Bonding Mission

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on 2/8/2016.

“Look, we were all there in hot springs, I do not know what point you are trying to make,” North said. He pulled another q-tip from behind his ear to continue cleaning a gun which one would be forgiven for mistaking for a cannon. “I can lift Sasha, so I use her.”  
  
“Well, we can talk about how weird this place smells, instead,” said Bunny. He casually threw one of the knives he kept on his bandolier seemingly at random. “That would take up plenty of time.” The knife landed neatly in Bunny’s outstretched hand after ricocheting off two support beams and the ceiling.  
  
“Gun oil—”  
  
“I know what gun oil smells like, thanks.”  
  
“—and baking. Just because all you know how to do is boil an egg does not mean the rest of us are so challenged.”  
  
“I also know how to buy chocolate bars,” Bunny protested. “Anyway, the point is, it smells weird here, it’s cold, and as far as we can tell, there was no break-in. You haven’t given us any evidence, and if I wanted to watch you clean your gun, I could have waited for downtime on an actual mission.”  
  
“Bunny, do you know how hard it is to repair a jetpack with you grousing? Stick to the stale jokes, they’re easier to tune out.” Tooth didn’t actually sound all that annoyed—the truth was, she liked a challenge, and more true than this was that the earpieces she wore were sending her a lot more information to process than anything Bunny could say. “Anyway,” she said, “I’m sure Manny will get back to us soon with analysis of the Pole’s data and then we’ll have a definitive answer of if we should pay attention to North’s intuition in the future!”  
  
“I _would_ like to find out what things you say I can disregard,” Bunny said to North.  
  
Now North looked affronted. “Sandy, back me up here,” he said, turning to the small, silent man in the corner.  
  
Sandy removed his goggles and smiled sunnily over at him. He gave him a big thumbs up and lifted an object from the drifts of tiny electronic components and shrapnel surrounding him. It _looked_ like nothing more than a tangled ball of wires the size of a grapefruit, but it was far more likely that if you stuck a spoon in it you’d get high explosive and chunks of metal in your eye rather than juice.  
  
“Uh, not in here, really, mate, seriously,” Bunny said, as North gave Sandy a huge thumbs-up back.  
  
Sandy nodded absently and began bringing the bomb over for North’s inspection when the monitor on the wall blinked to life. Moon’s scarred, broad face appeared on the screen, looking uncharacteristically serious. “Greetings, team,” he said. “Glad to see you all engaged in some serious work…unlike last time.” He pointedly didn’t look at anyone in particular, but that was only because anyone could have taken a pointed look and have it be justified. “I’ve just gone over the data, and, I know you’re not going to be happy about this, Bunny, but North is right. There was a break-in. But a good one. One that couldn’t have been pulled off by anyone who’d never been part of the team.”  
  
Bunny folded his arms. “Even I know that Pitch breaking in here is worse than North being right. What’d he steal?”  
  
“Nothing from the physical archives seems to be gone,” Moon said. “But the files containing our client lists were recently opened.”  
  
Tooth swore. “That means he has a plan this time. But how are we going to get close to him to figure out what it is? He knows all of us too well.”  
  
Moon’s serious expression broke. “That’s the best part! I was waiting for a mission to introduce you to your new fifth team member! This will be a perfect bonding mission. Now, look. Jack Frost!” The monitor switched to what looked like candid video of a slim young man doing something very dangerous and deniable in Russia.  
  
“I know him!” Tooth squealed. “He’s amazing! When do we meet him, when’s the briefing, do we get to do the briefing?”  
  
“Why is the video like this?” Bunny asked. “Does _he_ know he’s our fifth team member?”  
  
“No!” Moon said. “Getting him is _also_ part of the bonding mission! Good luck, I’ll be checking on you!”  
  
Sandy looks around at the others with a skeptical expression and then, wistfully, down at the ball of wires in his hand.  
  
“Yeah,” said Bunny. “I kind of wish it was a _bombing_ mission instead, too.”


End file.
